


Forget About Him

by pretty_ish



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Bottom Changbin, Changbin has glasses, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, Intercrural Sex, M/M, Non-Penetrative Sex, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Past Relationship(s), top Jisung
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-15
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-08-02 12:07:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16304915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pretty_ish/pseuds/pretty_ish
Summary: It's been two years, but I can never forget him...I want to forget, but I can't!I lived with a gun to my head and he filled the rounds.





	Forget About Him

**Author's Note:**

> Little warning. The first scene is the description of a really bad panic attack.

     Changbin began to feel a suffocating sensation in his chest. His throat closed up on him and his fingers felt numb. He collapsed onto the ground of his apartment, keeping himself up by only his fragile, skinny arms.

     _It's been two years, but I can never_ _forget him..._

     I want to forget, but I can't!

     He coughed and closed his eyes, trying to calm himself down. He took in a few deep breaths as tears came to his eyes, but it didn't help. He began shaking and trembling; his heart pounding out of his chest.

     Images of his face flashed before him. He remembered what it was like being trapped inside that house with him at night, forced to sleep in the same room as the man he was meant to love but deathly afraid of.

     _I'm going to be fine, this happens all the time._ He thought, trying to clear his head. He bit his lip and pulled himself up onto his couch, sitting up properly. He tried taking deep breaths again, but it didn't work again. Changbin held his stomach and gritted his teeth as his stomach felt warm and gross.

     _I'm fine, just a loss of breath..._

     _I don't deserve to breathe in the first place._

     _It's okay, it's passing over..._

     He breathed in and out again as he tried to reassure himself that this feeling of death's cold grip was temporary. His breathing eventually went back to normal, but left him trembling and sobbing on the floor of his apartment.

     After his episode, he decided to go for a walk. The sun was hiding behind the clouds and the minimal amount of leavs on the trees were turned over from the wind. Changbin sighed as he began feeling chilly. It was meant to be 15°C but it turned into 7°C.

     The sky began to spit and Changbin sighed again. He shivered and kept walking. Eventually he just sat down on a swing at a park. It began raining harder, but he didn't bother to get up and leave. He just stayed there. He looked around at his surroundings, seeing a squirrel crossing the road. Changbin's eyes widened as he spotted headlights.

     Suddenly, a car came at full speed, hitting the small creature. Changbin gasped and covered his mouth, feeling vile in his stomach. _So disgusting._ He thought. He swang lowly on the swing for a while, letting the sky's water hit him.

     He eventually got bored of acting like a child and stood up off of the swing, walking away from the park and towards the direction of his flat. His teeth clacked together while he shivered in the cold rain, the murky scent of the petrichor made him feel sick.

     He held his stomach and covered his mouth, feeling his stomach try to push itself out of him. Groaning, he felt his knees go weak as he vomited up stomach acid on the sidewalk, but that was it. Only water had entered his body that day, he hadn't eaten anything and felt terrible.

     His glasses fogged up as he fell to the ground and his face heated up. He wiped his mouth and looked around quickly, finding no one around him. _It's getting dark._ He thought. He felt someone touch his head and ruffle his short dark hair. He quickly looked up behind himself, finding his blonde haired friend Jisung, holding an umbrella over their heads with his left hand and a grocery bag in the right.

     "I leave the house for an hour to go shopping and find this while walking back?" Jisung laughed as he put down the grocery bags to help Changbin up. "Dude, you okay?" He asked. Changbin shook his head. "Wow, you're shivering." Jisung said, taking his hoodie off and putting it around Changbin's shoulders. The latter blushed deeply and looked down.

     "Why did you...?" Changbin started. Jisung turned his head slightly at the somewhat shorter and older boy in a confused fashion.

     "You would've gotten hypothermia if you stayed out here like that. You're lucky that I found you when I did." Jisung told Changbin and put the hood up on Changbin's head. He smirked as he watched Changbin's face burn red to his ears. "You didn't do anything while I was gone, right? I trust you alone now."

     Changbin shook his head and looked down. Changbin had been on heavy suicide watch for two months, but Jisung trusted to leave him alone for a bit while he was grocery shopping.

     "You didn't even touch the pill bottle?" Jisung asked, picking the bags back up.

     "No, not this time." Changbin said in a sad tone. Jisung's eyes widened and he smiled proudly.

     "Good for you! Let's go home, it's getting dark. I'll make some tea!" Jisung said and began walking as he patted Changbin's back. Changbin hugged his arms around his stomach.

     "Hey, Jisung? Can we have hot chocolate instead?" He asked quietly. Jisung hummed and smiled.

     "Whatever you want."

     Once they got home, Changbin changed out of his sopping wet clothes and into Jisung's hoodie and sweatpants. He blushed as he pulled at the grey pants, a bit too long for him. It felt ten times warmer to wear Jisung's clothes rather than his own.

     "Were you really at the grocery store the entire time, Jisung?" Changbin asked as Jisung sat down, handing him a mug of hot chocolate.

     "Uh... I'd like to say yes, but you can see right through me." Jisung said, chuckling a bit. Changbin sipped on the hot drink and sighed heavily, feeling a bit of jealousy.

     "Were you with Minho?" Changbin asked. Jisung shook his head. Minho was Jisung's go to fuck, however it was obvious that Minho wanted more than that.

     "No, I got slapped last time I was with him." Jisung sighed. Changbin quirked an eyebrow.

     "How come?" He asked.

     "I said someone else's name."

     "Really? Who's?" Changbin asked, suddenly intrigued, jumping up in his seat. Jisung sulked.

     "I'm not telling _you_." He teased. _He doesn't trust me._ Changbin thought. He didn't push any further with the subject.

     "Fine." He said, a bit disappointed.

     "So, what happened while I was gone? Did you do anything interesting? Like maybe finally finish Bioshock?" Jisung asked. Changbin shook his head.

     "No, that game is way too creepy for me. There are jump scares and I don't like to play it alone." Changbin said. Jisung cooed. "But I did have a pleasant panic attack. It lasted at least thirty minutes." He told Jisung.

     "Oh, I'm so sorry I wasn't here to help you!" Jisung apologized. "But the pills; you promise you didn't touch them, right?"

     _He's concerned._ Changbin thought, surprised.

     "I thought about it." Changbin adjusted himself in his chair. "Why don't you lock them up?" He asked.

     "Because Brian says that it'll help if I trust you." Jisung said. Brian was Changbin's psychiatrist. Changbin had to admit, he was helpful. Especially when Changbin was in his darkest mindset. But sometimes he felt too progressive.

     "It doesn't. It just pisses me off." Changbin said. "It feels like you're taunting me."

     "But it helps your control, right?" Changbin mumbled something and the room fell silent, making them both feel awkward.

     _He's not saying anything._ Changbin thought. _Why isn't he saying anything?_

     "Hey, Jisung?" Changbin asked. Jisung nodded and looked at Changbin. "Why... Why didn't you just let him kill me?"

     "Why do you always say things like this?"

     "Because I want an answer." Changbin said. "You could've just left me there. You know how much he changed me. Who I am now. I'm not Changbin! So why didn't you just let me die?"

     "Because... I knew you before Jae. You were different before you fell in love. I remember what you were like. You were always happy and never frowned! You were a nice person and you loved everyone! But your dad started... your dad found out about you and Jae and he started being worse to you!" Jisung said, tears forming in his eyes. "He started hurting you more often and I hated that! And I was just jealous of Jae, so I treated you terribly too, and used people like Minho and Felix! You grew up knowing violence. You grew up with a gun to your head, Changbin. It's all you knew." Jisung cried.

     _Why is_ ** _he_** _crying!?_

     "And Jae filled the rounds. I try to forget about it, but it comes back all the time! When I close my eyes, I see him... Everything he put me through!" Changbin sobbed. "I shouldn't have let anyone know about us! I hate myself for it!"

     "It happened two years ago!"

     "It doesn't matter how long ago it happened! It still happened! And it happened for four years!" Changbin cried, covering his face with his hands. Silence dawned again and Jisung plopped his head down on the table, closing his eyes as he heard Changbin weep. Jisung sniffled and wiped away his own tears.

     _He doesn't understand anything._

     _He doesn't know how it feels to wish you were never born._

     _He doesn't know what it's like to finally agree with your parents._

_He doesn't know what it's like to hate your own boyfriend._

     _What it's like to want to die._

     "I know you changed... but still... I love you, Changbin. And I know you won't hurt me." Jisung said. Changbin dropped his hands, revealing his tear stained face. He shook his head as his lip trembled.

     "No... Jisung... that's what I told Jae... And he hurt me... What if I turn into him? I don't deserve you!" Jisung stood up from his seat and walked over to Changbin, hugging him tightly.

     "Changbin, it's okay." He said.

     "Jisung, I'm scared." Changbin cried into his chest. "I don't want to hurt you." He sobbed.

     "I know you won't. You're not your parents and you sure as hell aren't Jae." Jisung said. Changbin wrapped his arms around Jisung's torso tightly. Changbin stood up and held Jisung tightly.

     "Just hold me... please." Changbin said quietly. Jisung smiled and patted Changbin's head, ruffling his hair a bit. Changbin squeaked quietly as Jisung picked him up and brought him into the living room, sitting down on the couch. Changbin sat on his lap, facing him, his legs on either side of Jisung's hips as he cried into his chest.

     "Is this okay?" Jisung asked. Changbin nodded and sniffled. He began to hiccup and Jisung started rubbing his back. "You're fine, Binnie. They're gone. They're never coming back and you'll be okay. So stop thinking about them." Jisung trailed his hands up and down Changbin's shirt.

     Jisung dragged his finger nail along Changbin's hip lightly. He did that when Changbin couldn't sleep. The older pondered for a while, before leaning forwards and softly connecting his lips with Jisung's. The younger boy didn't hesitate to kiss back.

     Jisung had his hands around Changbin's hips while Changbin had his arms strung around Jisung's neck. He pulled away and looked away from Jisung's eyes.

     "Is it bad to ask you to stop seeing Felix or Minho?" Changbin asked sheepishly, looking down.

     "Not at all. I'll stop seeing them." Jisung said, smiling at Changbin, who blushed up to his ears. "What's wrong?" Jisung asked as Changbin began to cry again.

     "There are people out there like Minho and Felix that are better than me... people that would love _you_ if _you_ loved _them..._ people that I can't even compare myself to..." He said.

     "Yeah, you're damn right about that," Jisung said. "But _you're_ the only one I want right now. You're the only one that can reach up to _my_ standards. You're perfect to me."

     "I..." Changbin started. He buried his head back into Jisung's chest. "I love you." He said, his voice muffled by Jisung's shirt. He gasped as Jisung pushed him down onto the couch, looming over him. His eyes widened when Jisung kissed the side of his mouth and down his jawline, down his neck. "W-wait, Jisung... my glasses."

     "Keep them on, you look cuter that way." Jisung told him and moved his right hand up the sweater, expecting to find a shirt underneath, but Changbin was just wearing his hoodie. "No way, that's so cute!" Jisung gasped, caressing Changbin's skin and tweaking his nipples.

     "D-don't say that..." Changbin moaned out. No one knew how sensitive his nipples were. He brought his hand to his face, covering his mouth while Jisung licked and kissed the little nubs on Changbin's chest. Changbin bit his finger, trying to surpress his moans and gasps.

     "I-it's too much, J-Jisung... I... nn..." Changbin moaned. Jisung stopped and looked at Changbin's face. He was flustered, tears of pleasure in his eyes.

     "Not yet." Jisung said. He slowly peeled Changbin's jeans off, boxers following. Changbin hid his member with his hands. "Awe, Binnie." Jisung cooed. Changbin looked away from hin.

     "N-no... I'm nervous..." He said quietly. Jisung tilted his head and caressed Changbin's soft cheek.

     "About what?"

     "W-will it hurt?" He asked, looking up with innocent eyes.

     "I won't use your ass if you don't want." Jisung said. Changbin furrowed his eyebrows.

     "What? What do you mean?" He asked.

     "Here, put your legs together." Jisung said. Changbin did as he was told, pressing his legs together. "Yep, that's it."

     "What are you...?" Changbin was confused. The puzzle pieces slowly put themselves together as Changbin watched Jisung.

     "O-oh..." He trailed off as the latter put his member between Changbin's thighs, rubbing the older boy lightly. Changbin bit his lip. "Faster." He told Jisung, catching the other boy off guard.

     Jisung thrusted faster, the friction between their members making Changbin's legs tremble and shake. He became a moaning and panting mess underneath Jisung. Jisung moaned quietly as he looked at Changbin's face filled with pleasure and euphoria. Jisung felt Changbin's legs tighten around him. He bit his lip and squinted his eyes, thrusting faster.

     "Sungie... I... aha mmmm... I can't hold back..." Changbin moaned out as he squirmed under Jisung. His toes curled and his cheeks burned as he released all over his stomach and Jisung's sweater. Jisung released on Changbin's stomach and dropped his legs. Both of the boys were panting.

     "Sorry, I'll clean you up." Jisung said, standing up and walking into the other room. He walked back in with a wash cloth soaked in warm water and cleaned off Changbin's stomach and the sweater. Changbin pulled his boxers back up, and the sweater back down, but left his pants on the floor.

     "Sorry for getting it on your sweater." Changbin apologized.

     "It's okay." Jisung said. After a bit of them lying there and finding their breath, Jisung spoke. "I said your name..." He told him. Changbin turned his head and looked at the other boy.

     "What?" He asked. Jisung bit his lip and sighed.

     "The reason why Minho slapped me was because I said your name..." He explained, his face blood red. Changbin's eyes widened.

     "Oh my god... really?" Changbin asked, smirking a bit. Jisung pouted and nodded.

     "Yeah... He hates me now." Jisung said. Changbin giggled quietly, causing Jisung to gasp, his jaw dropping.

     "W-what? D-did I do something...?" Changbin trailed off. Jisung nodded his head.

     "You smiled." He pointed out. "You haven't done that in so long." Jisung said. "It's nice to see you smile. It makes me happy." Changbin blushed and cuddled up to Jisung on the couch.

     "I love you." Changbin said.

     "I love you too." Jisung said. He put on a goofy smile. "I'm happy."

     "I'm happy too." Changbin said. Jisung felt a wave of emotions hit him when Changbin said that. _Aaaaaa! He's so fucking cuuuuuuutttte!_ He thought as he looked at Changbin smiling.

     "Dude, what's with your face?" Changbin asked. Jisung had a goofy grin on his face like a thirteen year old pre-pubescent boy seeing tits for the first time. He moved forwards, grabbing Changbin's face and smashing their lips together.

     Changbin didn't take much time to react, before kissing back. He accidentally smiled, breaking the kiss and Jisung pulled away. "What was that for?" He asked.

     "You're just so damn cute, I can't stay away!" Jisung said, attacking Changbin with kisses. Changbin smiled and held the younger boy closer to him.

 

     "You're so important to me."

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't know how to end this off, but expect more.


End file.
